Malaysia

As I've been here a couple of weeks now I decided I'd give you a little bit of information about Malaysia. I love it, I've even got used to being woken up 5 times a day by the mosque. I don't even act like its karaoke anymore. The problem I have with the numerous religions is I can't really relate to them all. I think most people got into it because it gave them something to do on a Sunday. I mean my mums goes to church for the social occasion and the cafe Nero afterwards. I blame coronation street omnibus on the decline of religion but that's just my view. Aside from that when ever we venture out we are stopped numerous times a day and asked for pictures. Parents put their children in our arms and say 'picture picture please' I can only assume they've read my blog and think I've got potential. I have been told that it's because in some of the places we have visited white people have never been seen before.  It could also be to do with the fact that topshop sell shorts that probably resemble a Malaysian thong.

The public toilets here very kindly come with instructions also. I think the signs would more appropriately be placed in nightclubs in Blackpool. As you can imagine when I saw this sign there was only one thing I did.

This week we went to a place called batu caves. This is where monkeys live in the wild and you have to climb 300 steps to get into the caves. Personally I think the steps are a test because by the time I got to the top my lips were blue and I was having palpitations. The monkeys are clever little bastards though, I dropped one pea out of my Bombay mix and that's it bye bye bombay. Here's a picture of main culprits they decided to take it upon themselves to check in my bag afterwards incase I had any left.

Sarah and I don't particularly like insects, which is a slight problem as we are in Asia and one night we stepped into the lift and saw there was a jumping cockroach, Sarah managed to escape before it ate her alive and I tried my best but ended up trapping my wrists in the lift, so i now look like i have a 6th finger.

Speaking of 6 fingers on our flight here I was sat next to a lady who had 6 fingers, she was Thai and i don't know if its a cultural thing or maybe she's considered royalty out here. On the bright side living in Thailand the hot weather means she won't have the trouble of finding 6 fingered gloves. 

We have stumbled across a variety of strange characters so far and if I had a pound for every time I saw a woman plucking a pube from her bikini line on the beach I'd be a millionaire.

I have come across some rare food whilst I have been here, people who view a sheeps testicles as a delicacy or a chicken korma filled donut, but the most controversial of them all seems to be the chocolate crisps. I still cannot get my head around this, it's like my mind is telling me no it's all wrong you hate them but then all my mouth can think is chocolate.  I'll keep you updated with the result of that one. I have been given a lot of stick for not being very authentic with my food choice apparently it isn't cultural to have Nandos even though it is Portuguese and a Singah beer does not count as Thai food.

The only problem I have had is I got stung by a jellyfish, Sarah thought I'd just stood on a shell but I know it was a jellyfish. I've never really seen the point in them, they're 97% water, if someone would just come and add the other 3% then I could drink the bastard and I wouldn't have nearly had my foot amputated. On that note everyone keeps panicking that sea levels are rising because of me driving to college not roller skating there but I have come to realise its because there's too many fish in it. It's like when a fat kid gets in a pool a load of water goes out. Get rid off all the fish and the sea levels will go down - basic science. 

Thailand

We decided to be brave and headed for Thailand. We arrived at Krabi and it was the most beautiful place I've ever seen. We had a little bungalow on the beach which was perfect it just had one minor downfall. The toilet didn't flush, it wasn't broken or anything it's just a flushing toilet is too technically advance at the moment for Thailand. Instead we have a little saucepan at the side in which you had to pour water down it yourself. This was enough to convince me I  couldn't eat at the resort for the duration of our trip as they definitely use this same pan to cook.

On the first day we visited the phi phi islands, here we saw the most surreal idyllic beaches I have ever seen. Now Sarah is very scared of the sea but after a friendly shove she decided to give snorkelling a try. It was all going very well until she started shouting there's a sting ray chasing me and almost evacuated the whole group until on closer inspection it was just the buckle of her life jacket. It was an honest mistake and everyone was very forgiving apart from the elderly man who had almost given himself a hernia in all the todo. Aside from that everything went swimmingly.

In Thailand rather than taxi's they have a special sort of transport called a 'tuck tuck' now this is a motorbike with a carriage attached to the side. These are great apart from one night it started raining heavily so the driver pulled down a waterproof cover like a pram, however rather than just covering us he covered the while contraption so we looked like a driving lightbulb as his headlight reflected back on us. This proved problematic for him as he couldn't see the road ahead. After that night we decided to give the tuck tuck the benefit of the doubt at get another, the only problem here was Sarah got confused with the name of them and you can imagine the look on his face when she offered him a 'tug tug'.

On the second day we went elephant trekking, it wasn't clearly explained to us that we had it kayak for three hours to get to the elephants and we trailed behind with a Chinese family and the only English they knew was 'ring ding ding' I personally thought they were trying to sing crazy frog. The elephant trekking was spectacular, our elephant was called nipple, that's not even made up for humour as that's very immature humour it might just be the only English word they know. After 

about 5 minutes the Thai man got off the elephant and let us 'drive it' I went first however I was wearing a dress and it took me ten minutes to explain I was wearing a bikini underneath - he still thought his Christmas had come early. I think he did aswell. When Sarah was driving he taught her the elephant sounds to make it walk and personally it sounded like a fat man trying to thrust. I just think he was slightly perverted. He offered to take pictures of us with our iPhones whilst we were stuck on top of an elephant - we weren't falling for that one.

The 5 days we spent there were incredible. It was honestly the best place I have ever been too. There were only 8 of us in our whole resort run by a Thai family. They had two pet dogs which after feeding a snickers too wouldn't leave us alone. One night I heard this heavy breathing at the door and I was convinced pirates from Somalia had popped in to capture us, after eventually plucking up the courage and thinking they might as well take me now we saw that it was just the dog sleeping outside. 

Introduction to slowe

So I decided to write a blog whilst I'm away because it must be tough for you guys at home not hearing my jokes everyday and I don't want any of you to forget how funny I am or become depressed whilst I'm away as the light of your lives has left.

I'll give a brief intro incase for some absurd reason someone other than my mum decides to read this. I'm Sophie Lowe and I'm 19 and currently doing a sell out tour around the world with my best friend Sarah. We've only been gone 10 days and I think I've exceeded all expectations as I think people doubted whether I'd manage to get on the correct plane - I did and I'm loving every minute. We are currently in Kuala Lumpur and I imagined when I got here it'd be something like a scene from SlumDog millionaire however I now realize I was wrong. It's a lot like London if you were in a massive Sauna and I currently look like Tina turner as the humidity is something else.

Last night we went to a bar on a helipad, it was on the top of a 34 floor hotel and literally a helipad. The view was incredible and the only security measure was a big yellow line that said 'don't cross' I only hope Stevie Wonder doesn't visit anytime soon. For a brief moment I contemplated why there was nothing like this in the North West and then I realised that if this was in Blackpool it would be shut down within the first 24 hours because some guy with his name tattooed on his head thought he could fly.